A note about sexual trauma, which is the worst trauma that can be inflicted — so this is cautionary and needs to be understood. Very Important. VERY.
Imagine that the “egg” we were talking about as the Self — is in your hand. NOW CRUSH IT. Now look at your hand, and what has happened to the egg. This kind of trauma destroys the SELF. The shell of the egg is what we call a “BOUNDARY” in therapy. There are many types of boundaries but people who have experienced this — it is the WORST POSSIBLE VIOLATION TO THE SELF THAT CAN HAPPEN. THE WORST.
I’m going to tell you a story about someone I knew at school. She was a person who had experienced this as an infant in the crib, by her father. I met her my first weekend, because we sat next to each other in a lecture hall. We were asked to do an imaginal exercise with the person next to us. I’ll never forget it. It was the most potent and frightening thing that could have happened to me, EVER! It was my baptism into what being a therapist would be like.
We were so exhausted by our third day, because that first 3 day weekend had depleted this group of 30 therapists “in training” like you cannot believe. Our nerves were raw, ensemble. It was the end of the weekend and we were all to go home right afterwards. My school’s training was one of the most difficult and rewarding things I have ever done. But nothing could have been more of an immersion into the inner world of a person who has been traumatized in that way, than this woman…
We were asked to imagine an inner figure inside ourselves and describe it to our partner. Well, she asked me to go first. Mine was an exhausted eight year old in tears! Hers was a SKELETON. She went into a diatribe about the skelton inside her that wanted to kill everyone –just stab. I was in a state of complete shock, complete. Imagine this like my client JOEY we talked about. I was so scared — I was picking up on her inner state of “fear” — with deeply wounded clients — this happens when you are an empath.
That “FEAR” was the baby in the crib who had been violated.
Its boundaries had been destroyed, by a trusted figure. Remember how we talked about the parents as GIANTS to the child? A wound like this destroys TRUST, and the EGO. Hence the shattered egg in your hand. This is a boundary violation so EXTREME, by a PERPETRATOR so VILE that NOTHING is worse. NOTHING.
This, is also a LEARNED behavior in a family system. In other words, someone has been incested in their OWN CHILDHOOD, and then, they pass this on.
I left school shaking in FEAR that night. Quaking. I didn’t even want to go back, that’s how bad it was.
Well, in the middle of the month I received a phone call from her, on my answering device!
Asking if she could stay at my house, the next time school was in session. Just hearing her voice made me throw up. I called my school, and the following weekend we had what is called a “dyad” — with one of the best in the field Dr. Mary Watkins, a professor of Object Relations. I was so afraid of that woman for the next year, you wouldn’t believe it. I actually AVOIDED her if I saw her coming. Over the three years we were at school, she was cured by us. The 30 of us, who were her classmates. All of us went through so much internal work — just tremendous.
In the second year, we learned “Group Therapy” — based on YALOM’s PSYCHODYNAMIC method. “The SKELETON LADY” — as I secretly thought of her then, because she looked like one at first, had “grown” into a SELF — and she felt the courage to confront this man ROBERT — because she was projecting the inner perpetrator onto HIM in the group. The therapists monitoring and teaching us, stood behind her, making it safe for her to let out the sound that had been trapped inside her since the days of the crib. I HAVE NEVER HEARD A SOUND LIKE THAT. IT HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY.
It was the beautiful little egg at the moment a PERPETRATOR shattered the infant’s SELF. I am crying as I type, remembering her.
So, it is NOT ALLRIGHT to FORCE a VICTIM of RAPE OR INCEST TO CARRY A BABY.
It is MORALLY WRONG, and an OUTRAGE. Any Therapist, Psychiatrist or Clinical Psychologist would tell you this. And if they didn’t? THEY ARE UNETHICAL.
Most child abuse happens when a child is about 9 years old, and this is by a person the child knows most of the time. If you saw what I saw about how a perpetrator “plans” what they are going to do — you would be as outraged as I. MORALLY OUTRAGED.
In the pre-verbal stage — it is the complete FRACTURE of the CHILD’s SOUL.
By 5 YEARS of AGE the self has more EGO STRENGTH.
By age 9, MORE, and so on up until adulthood.
Most Americans would prefer perpetrators to be dealt with in the ways that they deserve.
Democratic Women, and Women who are PUMAS could never accept a stance like this:
“…Palin opposes abortion and rejects the view that pregnancies caused by rape and incest should be exceptions. The Alaska governor’s only exception would be when a doctor determines that continuing a pregnancy would lead to the death of the mother…”
It isn’t just the therapists among us, and, all that would be necessary is to teach her by letting her read this.
Below is a link to an article and book about this subject.
I would not wish ANYONE to have to SUFFER the SOUND that was inside of my classmate.
Not a soul on this PLANET we call home.