reflections on the new year, and decade…

Well.

The air is cool and crisp and there are paperwhites that have struggled to bloom along the little side beds by the chimney.  They come back year after year.  Something about them is refreshing in what passes for winter here.  It rained and so the roses all had an unexpected bloom too.

In the last decade I lost a lot of things.  So, now I am going to rebuild things.  I’m not the only one who is doing this.  I have a new idea for myself though.  I am no longer attached to anything, and so that is going to inform what I do in the future.

I saw a pretty little ranch down in Texas — a state I know nothing about, but I liked the way it looked.  Acres.  10.

A house from the 40’s that looked like Americana to me.  Enough land to plant all kinds of trees and flowers.  A pond!

When I was growing up so many were going “back to the land” — I never got that chance but I sure do have the books on it — I really do.  I know how to garden organically and I know what to plant.

So, this year I am thinking of myself in terms of a paperwhite.  I feel fragile like they look and I need a place to bloom.

Also, for career I want it to be quiet.  I’m through trying to save the world.  I can’t.  I tried.

I want my work to be about writing, so?  It is.

Quiet.  Peaceful.

Better.

I want some happiness in the next decade.  The last one was too hard to bear.  We all go through various losses in life — in the last seven years I have been in a cocoon and now I am emerging from that because I’m going to go back to work this year.  I hope that I can go to work for this company.  Hope so.

I think they are great?

I do.

And, so?

Who knows?

We are in flux in my country.  Many of us want life to be like it always was — like the 50’s or 60’s of our early childhoods.  Like the 70’s when we were full of idealism and hope.  I see my generation as having gotten the shaft by the top “selfish” end of the baby boom.  One thing about us at the tail end though is that we are really individuals in my gen.  We are adapted to changing and we can.  Easy.

2010 for me will be about invention, sustainability, peace and parties.

It will be about books, and sofas, and a king-sized bed.

It will be about ordering flower bulbs again like I used to.

It is going to be about me, and what I want.

Happy New Year to you, and I hope it will be a great year for you too.