THE LAST HOLLYWOOD VIKING (a screenplay for a favorite HEROIC star)

I decided to write a screenplay for one of my favorite stars because, because, because.

I’m working it out as I go, but, most certainly it should have humor and music, and heroicism.  Watching Hollywood turn on its own is one of the most unpleasant things I have ever watched in the last few weeks.

Anyway, I started to twitter it, and I decided to post it here for safekeeping — also to work out my thoughts.

Here tis:

We see a closeup of the Hollywood sign, in pinkish gold light — maybe a few photoshopped fluffy clouds drifting against the pinkpurple hill

~ Wagner plays in the background! #screenplay THE LAST HOLLYWOOD VIKING by Valentine Bonnaire


A HUGE Rainbow appears as if by magic! Right over the HOLLYWOOD SIGN until it is framed beneath!


Our HERO lifts a massive sword and it glints in the dying sun’s embers. We see only the forearm and hand, and the reflected sun, glancing.

~ the sword looks a bit like this!


Our HERO is astride an ANDALUSIAN stallion (for effect)…


Our HERO lowers his sword and looks over to MOUNT OLYMPUS, as giant thunderbolts of lightning crack the sky. Shakes his head, sadly.


“What the fuck am I doing here,” he asks himself. Rain streaks his face like tears as he looks for guidance from above.


His steed rears and tosses its mane. A giant voice answers: “You are here to save Hollywood, kiddo.” “From itself!”



  1. “You are one of the greats, you know.”

  2. A gigantic montage of all the HOLLYWOOD STARS materializes in the sky above him in black and white — looking down on him, smiling.
  3. They are old stars, stars we can recognize like Brando, Bogart, Mae West, Chaplin and Gable — that sort of thing — all in black and white — from all races.  They are shaking their heads, but smiling nevertheless. The real Hollywood stars that have passed but are in our hearts.

(I have no idea where those numbers came from?  Oh, well… Onwards! xxoo!)

Yes, you know who this screenplay is for.

In the next scene, a fab genie appears!

An image to depict the light, and mood…

~ We hear this song begin to play, softly at first -as we watch our HERO ride down the hill #quest


Night is about to descend over Hollywood, and the first lights begin to twinkle in the dusk… #screenplay Our HERO encounters a mysterious figure in the darkness. Bundled in rags, the woman appears to have made a home for herself just under the Hollywood sign. Our HERO’s horse has startled her. Curiously, she appears to look like that famous actress Whoopi Goldberg. She jumps up, outraged and begins to strut, circling our HERO’s horse. It takes her a long time to circle the horse, three times. All the while nodding her head at him on the way… Sizing him up. What he doesn’t know is that she is related to a very long line of actual genies, and she has an Alladin’s lamp.


“What the fuck do you think you’re doin'” she finally says. (She is actually his homeless fairy godmother, in a way) With the power to grant the proverbial three WISHES. She also has the biggest magic wand in all of Hollywood, but we don’t see it yet.


She’s dressed in a friar tuck outfit made of blankets with a hood and a rope belt. She is also the patron saint of all the little people…


Actually she is dressed like Saint Francis.


She’s a female Saint Francis!

6 thoughts on “THE LAST HOLLYWOOD VIKING (a screenplay for a favorite HEROIC star)

  1. yes, I do. I am smiling actually, now. “wtf am I doing here?” This made me laugh. Contrast. grand contrast.

    Oh, don’t forget the Hollywood dogs, Toto, and Lassie, and all…..


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s