The Saint Frances of Hollywood

Actually, I am writing this for a bunch of Hollywood heroes, heroines and STARS! (as I go!)  In the hopes that I can sell this screenplay and raise a bunch of money to help solve real social problems… I don’t have the proper software but eff it.  Deal with that later, because the story is pouring out.

THE LAST HOLLYWOOD VIKING by Valentine Bonnaire copyright 2010 — all rights reserved.



The lights begin to twinkle like a carpet of stars below.  Our HERO is naked astride an Andalusian stallion before the genie who  has just appraised his naked form.


I was just trying to get laid.


Grins widely and places a finger to her lips, raised eyebrows, laughingly…

I’m not sure you’re going about it the right way.


Fuckin’ fairies.


Where did you come from, anyway?


A party on Mount Olympus.  The whole fuckin’ place was purple, man.  Purple.  You should have seen them flitting around.


I see you kept your sword.


I’m just trying to keep my sanity at this point.


shaking her head slowly and grinning

You’re gonna need some clothes.  Let me help you with that.


Stewie and Jasper — the two most flaming gay guys in Hollywood power circles have thrown a huge fete around a purple only theme.  They live in a moderne house with giant balconies they’ve added — and Greek colums.  Anybody who is anybody in Hollywood practically dies for an invite to one of their soirees.  Our HERO had crashed it, accidentally.  Unforch he was hetero.  Too bad for him.  The interiors are like this!

(my fave actors for this are Robin Williams and Steve Martin — two of the funniest comedians ever…)

Stewie is utter vibrance, swish and limp wrist.  He’s known for his flamboyant scarves that he tosses on — an homage to Isidora Duncan in a way.  Jasper is quieter in an entirely amused way, but he does have an eye for beefcake to Stewie’s dismay.  In fact, sometimes he has been know to cruise Selma and other parts of the city that lie below.

All around the perimeter of the house are Jasper’s Junipers — giant trimmed topiaries that look like Priapus descended.  Like this…

It will be the ghost of Paul Lynde looking down on this scene from on high… (how ironic it was shot up here! LOL!) synchronicity! xxoo! That is the Courthouse…

Stewie and Jasper have chosen a 60’s modsville surf music theme for the party so it sounds like this…


eyes our HERO as he enters, lustily

Stewie get Jaspie a drink, baby.  I’m going all dry.


tosses head back and swishes off to bar

Suit yourself.


Gazes around the room in pure mystification at the level of purple. it’s everywhere.  And many are wearing actual wings as they flit about the room giggling with drinks and canapes.  Somebody has turned on a strobe light.

GHOST OF LYNDE watches from sky, bemused at Jasper as he makes his way to our HERO


Well look what the wind blew in.



Ruffles through her large collections of clothes kept in black plastic bags.

Whatdya think?

She starts holding up outfits for our HERO, one by one.  Eventually they settle on a modern day Viking look for him.  It goes with the sword.  They seem to have come from  Western Costume — like old movie stuff dating from the 30’s — Hunchback of ND era…


as our hero is getting dressed we hear this song playing…..!

This film is dedicated to Hollywood itself, and all the greatest actors, ever.  I hope you don’t mind if I thought of you for these parts.  You guys are my HEROES!

12 thoughts on “THE LAST HOLLYWOOD VIKING (scene 2)

  1. Bonnaire: just got in and studied your script. pictures, descriptions, music–the Parrish sky..that sky sets a tone, a feeling, the music is fabulous? Furtwaengler for Wagner too. lol.

    the movies are in your blood, I do believe.

    You are so funny.


  2. i figured out how to read your twitterstream by clicking on your sidebar–don’t remember my password.. wow, look at all those followers.

    campy, you wrote.



    1. thank you on the funny ala campy…. what this is going to be is “the heroes journey” but will he ever be learning lessons about life as he goes his merry way — hopefully it will be about love again, morality tale, satire, and meld current social concerns into a moneymaker…! very fun to write — loling myself off chair. Hero will be taking steed across Hollywood as a zillion mishaps happen andhe realises all people are good at heart!xxoo! thank you! Hoping this will be like The Loved one, Big Leboski and Dr. Srangelove rolled into one laugh wise, in a way. Thank you for laughing! I just read the most horrible story about Hwood outsourcing everything OMG.


  3. the chord went out on my computer. don’t have much battery power at the mo. Hopefully I can get it going (again)…

    I’ll be back. Keep writing.

    miss you.



  4. Hoping this will be like The Loved one, Big Leboski and Dr. Srangelove rolled into one laugh wise, in a way.


    wish i had watched more movies. i think i saw the Big Lebowski, but, not sure. I remember Jeff Bridges. dunno where I was even. maybe only parts.

    never seen the other two. whatever huh?

    One of my favorite movies of all times, was a French film, “The King of Hearts” but that was years ago.


    1. I love that movie! haven’t seen it in years. The three I mentioned have the same wild ride of satire… so funny, if you get a chance… just wicked humor—–! xxoo!
      movies saved me in childhood, and books. Escape!


  5. movies saved me in childhood, and books. Escape!


    do you remember your favorite childhood movie, and book?


    1. There are far too many? But, Thomasina, maybe. For books? I was always reading. The librarians knew me here and in Cambria. I would check out 10 at a time?
      Misty of Chincoteague, Winnie-the-Pooh, The Secret Garden, Little House on the Prairie, All of Babar the Elephant. The film The Red Balloon. Flipper! xxoo!
      Also, Fractured Fairy Tales for cartoons. Captain Kangaroo and all that. xxoo! Memory lane.


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