THE LAST HOLLYWOOD VIKING (scene 5)

This is the only literary agent I could ever wish for.  And?  I am writing this screenplay for him.  For all those A Listers he knows.

We are going to be making such large interventions, and funny interventions, and fab interventions you are not going to believe it Ken.  Somehow I just lost an entire days work by hitting the wrong button.  I’m p’oed but not planning to hurl anything through a window.  It’s really good and I can rewrite it in a moment tomorrow.  I can! xxoo!

So, if my dearest wish in the entire world has come true, as if my DREAM has come true over night — you shall see that I have my first rather large deal for him to arrange?  I’ve already thought this all out — and actually?  It’s as if MAGIC has happened.  You see my MUSE, our HERO?  I rather like that logo he arranged for ICON PRODUCTIONS — it’s stunning.  And I want to give our HERO a little present.  It was something he wished for at any rate.  The BJ like no other.  By my character THE VELVET BABE.  Mr. Sherman might ask our hero if VELVET BABE PRODUCTIONS could be a company our HERO would like to arrange for me?  The first film I’d like to make is called VELVET BABE and The Absolute Rouge in “Timeless.”  This film is going to make an absolute fortune.  You see, the VELVET BABE comes in many different looks — but I have someone in mind as the starring actress in this particular story.  Her name is DITA von T? (but only if she wants the part) she is so perfect for this film?  And the costume I put the Babe in.  Our Screenwriter is going to be my friend Rodger Jacobs who also has written under the nom de plume Martin Brimmer.  He is attached to me in FB — I only want him as the screenwriter involved with anything THE VELVET BABE does.  You see?  The Velvet Babe is an icon.  And so?  Only a company with a name like ICON can make an ICONIC film?

Did you know that after I saw Rodge’s film with my father Bob Vosse in it?  I felt indebted to him for life.  He’s in terrible straits out in the desert at present.  In fact he asked me to send him a twenty dollar bill — that’s how desperate he is.  We can make this company overnight with Ken’s help?  As for the parts of the acually close-ups in that tale?  Rodg may still have contacts on some front?

You know something about our hero that I adore?  He’s just the sort of big brother I always wanted and never had.  I adored him in Mad Max and in fact my real brother that you can see on my facebook page might have even named himself because he is rather like that as well.  After the Velvet Babe makes her debut, I like to have that fabster over at TMZ take care of her.  He really reminds me a bit of you, Ken.  And he has been quite heroic during this ordeal.  We are going to need some papparrazi at hand?

DITA will be quite the star after that.

Also, I always want any of my stars protected?  Because?  They are starring in one of my films.

I do not feel that movie stars should have to have squadrons of people being security guards, my god.

For the public to see a star?

Why?  That is what they are there for, no?

Any star working for my company I want presented as a STAR — and I want TASCHEN books to be our publisher on the print end.  The Velvet Babe is about the sexiest creature on earth?  Why an entire line of her outfits, or lingerie can be produced, perhaps?  She is a BRAND unto herself.

Someday when our HERO is feeling better?  We can have a fab little meeting at an exquiste little bakery I know.  Frankly?

Sunglasses and a different hat are all he needs to pull off a disguise.  Like I wear mine?

This morning I was watching the most wonderful movie on Turner Movie Classics — The Yellow Rolls Royce.  It was marvelous to see Warren’s sister in that.  She has always been one of my favorites.  And he has too!  Reds! OMG.  One of his most fab roles ever.  So many.  And his wife Annette?  My god.  Grifters.  and Scissors! She was MY MOTHER, minus the gay and pill part.

To see that?  Whew.

Anyway, remember that terribly long winded email I sent you once?  I thought you would never speak to me again after that and all those things I said.  But now we can make all of this come true! xxoo!

There is a little place I want to buy at the beach.  You know the one.  It was where you got your start once because, when I was trying to figure out just everything about you that first time I met you — one of the oldest grand dames of the place told me that she had once put you up in her garage?  I found that charming.

The thing of it is?

Something Ray Bradbury said at that conference?

I want to get him his own little house on the grounds.  And the founders of the place too.  All we need is a remodel and upgrade on the place plus some fab new blue roofs.  And I want Marcia Meier back at the helm?  I do.  That Shultz man who has bought it won’t mind, I’m sure.  You are having one of those houses and so shall Rodge and I and all our friends.

This scandal has shown me why you were afraid?  Good Lord.  I was so shy admitting to you what I had written I could barely… and the first time I met you I had been utterly terrorized by by the first three literary agents — most especially that rotund one that by the time I got to you?  In a sense it felt like Sanctuary.  Except the first words you uttered to me were that you were allergic to me.  You were sitting perhaps at Westmont?  Against a backdrop of fabulous agapanthus I believe?  And you started sneezing!

At any rate, landing you was my dream from the first moment I saw you.  None of the others compared.

So, because I was flush, paying you 25 dollars was nothing!  You see, I was trying to pick my literary agent rather than the other way around.  I expect I have always been that way.  Trust me, my muse and I have more in common than you can imagine.

I never liked all those cheap little deals going on when I was in that writer’s group.  I expect I might be just as much of an aesthete as my character JASPER.

I was quite famous myself at that point, in here.  I was part of the stable of writers who were published monthly until that ethical or should I say unethical thing happened the following year.  Someone named Maxim had done a very, very bad thing.  And someone named Zane stood to make a fortune off one of my pieces.  I told you I pulled it the second time I met you.

I expect it is all a matter of temperament.  On my part.  Sanguine with Choleric overtones when pressed.

Anyway?

You had pointed to that fabulous old manse up on Las Alturas that is yellow?  It’s a charmer.  You said, “See that?”  I built that!

And I started laughing because you couldn’t have built it because you weren’t born yet.

I expect it has taken me all this time to realize that you meant you were capable of building things on a monumental scale.

Well, together we shall.

We shall indeed.

Knowing you, you can make this deal overnight I expect.

I have a very funny aside to tell you about my own magic wand.  Once at Pacifica for one of our Halloween parties, I went as Edward E. Horton’s fractured fairy tale.  I made the costume myself and it was entirely fab.  Later, as a therapist, I used my magic want as a diagnostic tool?  You see, if you ask a child in treatment what their greatest wish might be?  They tell you immediately.

If they said something like I don’t want to see my mom ever punch my dad again?

And after a few more interviews, and doing a family session?

Trust me, if anything amiss is up?  I’d know it.

I have a film I want Walter to write the screenplay for.  He’s the only one who could.  And I think it will be one of the most exquiste films ever made, Ken.

So, for that reason?  And because Mr. Hefner probably knew my father at one point, or someone in Hollywood did.  My muse our hero, is someone who I would trust with my life in that town.  Assuming we ever had to visit that particular mansion.  Those bunnies he had?  They are Velvet Babes, assuming he reforms himself a bit.  I expect those clubs he had once are an era he longs for?  He had such elegance as he started out.  Like my father also did.  I want to know what my father did?

The exquisite actress who played with Burt in Boogie Nights?  I knew it was him when I saw that film.

Perhaps Mr. Hefner would like to rebrand himself with us?

We certainly could make him an absolute fortune — almost overnight?

Also, my Uncle Spencer Crilly?  Whose nom de plume was Zoltan Spencer?

Well, I have all these old stills of him in an era that was entirely elegant in Hollywood.  We used to dine at Figaro’s.  And Schwabs, and Canters and well sort of everywhere?  My grandparents preffered Chasen’s and the Brown Derby.

My uncle loved the Flannel Cakes at Musso’s and so do I.

You see Ken, I had to see who you were, and when I did?  Whew.

!

I had to be worthy of you?

xxoo!

ps:  I want Rodg to have a place in Los Feliz, asap.  Befriend him in facebook?  Today.

Love,

Adrienne aka Valentine Bonnaire