season’s greetings

These toyons grow wild in the hills of Southern California.

They look like this at Christmas time, and they are what we use for holly, I suppose.  In different years I made wreaths of them.   I was looking around at different videos on wreaths and I found a few different ones.  This one is from Russia — pointsettia flowers made of red satin ribbon.  I love how simple it is!  Charming.

This is another made of Eucalyptus and lemons, that I liked.  I wouldn’t use the fake wreath underneath, I don’t think — but, I thought it was charming and different looking.

Another made of berries:

The best Christmas I ever did for someone once was to surprise him with a tree, and lights.  He was a writer I knew that I loved very much.  He hadn’t had one in years, and so, I did that for him.  It made him cry.

This year, I can’t muster the spirit.  I really can’t.  I feel really deep sadness about Christmases past.  As I have thought about it, being on my own would be like a new life, and a new start, and a sweeping away of memories.

Many I know have just divorced.

I just don’t want to go through another hideous Christmas again, I really don’t.  I need to set up my life in a different way.  This is just that sort of a year.

It’s sunny.  Warm.  These berries are ripe.  The ocean beckons for a walk.  Hopefully my book is going to be good and sell and this is going to be the thing that allows me to move forward.  I have to think about next year and how different everything can look.

In my life, I’ve had many different kinds of Christmases.

Next year I want to be living in a different house.  When I do?  I will be happy.

It will be different.