I wish I’d had a camera to catch the moon tonight. It was a bit like this but lying on its back in the way that Dineson once wrote about it in Out of Africa.
The sky was very dark, and the stars just coming out. It’s so clear. I made a decision today. It has taken me many long years to come to a place of clarity and the moon tonight seemed to affirm that — paused in the sky. Sometimes there are places one must leave because they are too sad.
And into what uncertain future I don’t know — but it can’t possibly be worse than this is. It cannot.
I will be happy, and strong. I will live.
I’ve seen the moon set twice into the sea in my life. Once, as a red crescent when it was the fire season and the ash had tinged the sky with so much smokiness the moon was red. A red crescent. We climbed the hill in the hot winds by the sea and sat for a long time as it set, saying nothing. It was gigantic and perhaps an omen.
Tonight I was alone. I sat by the sea and watched the moon and stars for a long time. The whole moon in its round fullness could be observed. Finally it fell into the sea with a slim golden smile.
Two days ago, the sunset was so beautiful. The clouds have been exquisite and all I want to do is paint them. They were out over the island and as it grew dark and they turned purple, they looked like islands themselves.
It was the strangest thing to observe that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before in quite the same way. I was walking on the beach and it was breathtaking watching the sun go down — island upon island — cloud islands. For some reason this seems to be a year of sunsets and sunrises.
The color in the sea is luminous in winter light.
I want to be on the water. Then I can see everything.
I’m going to be.
I’ll be fine. There is a little community waiting for me there and I will never be alone because I’m like my grandfather. People know me wherever I go. I’ll never be alone. I’ll be fine. I am more alone here, than I am when I am out. That says something about how this has been for something like 27 years.
8 thoughts on “tiniest moon”
Oh thank you — it is so nice to see you again Song!
Well, yes, it is nice to ‘see’ you too VB! I read this last night and found that first Rumi youtube that I put up—what seems a long time ago now. Still, it is perfect for you, and this post.
Beautiful writing btw. You almost make me love English, Bonnaire!
Thank you. Well, the phone is gone again, ya know? Eventually I will be controlling all those things — very soon. Wish I could call. Hope you are well and all is well as you resume all that care you do. I have a giant sore throat — geez. Got it this morning. I was out in the cold last night. I wanted t wish you a very happy New Year, R. I’m making plans to change things. Thank you for saying that about my writing. I think I’m just going to write “whitegirrrl” and my Alchemy Project interventions for awhile.
Oh geez!! you gotta take care of yourself!!! Get warm, and stay warm, and drink warm and think warm.
I just came from outside where I saw that moon with the slim “golden smile”. How beautifully you described it, and the islands of clouds. I wouldn’t have noticed the moon tonight without you.
I am grateful.
Still, I would rather not have read this post, if you have a sore throat now. No.
I’d rather miss the moon.
Happy New Year to you as well! Just got my computer back online! Needed a cord, and other repairs. Wish I could talk with you too A .
You do almost make me love English! (sometimes you totally do! haha!)
How great that what I said was a reason to look at it? Paul Bowles is one of my fav writers and he has a quote “how many times will you see the full moon rise? — Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems so liimitless.” Now that is a writer…
(sniffling now, yep)
Take care of yourself.
You always find someone who you think writes better than you! Especially when you receive a compliment or a recognition. You have all these great ghosts that haunt you, living and dead. Writers all. So much to admire, I know. But you have something. I cannot put words to…..and
I have concluded that you like the moon, cannot see yourself.