This elaborate structure was on a beach where I was making photographs yesterday. Butterfly.
That was the beach I went to in childhood.
All the time.
People who are in my gen, and born the year I am are in a progressed moon phase where it will make a conjunction with the natal moon.
My moon is in the 8th house, Gemini — so, as it makes this passage through that house and then the conjunction I’ll blog periodically about that, because well — the moon rules the feminine and the emotions in women.
I think what is happening for me, besides this really tough memoir I’ve been writing, has to do with the deep feminine in the sense of the archetype itself. My generation of women had to be like men on the job. It was just part of this era we lived, and many of us might have regrets about what did or did not happen in therms of the deep feminine. I do. I know I do.
My astrologer once said to me “You had to heal your mother so you could eat.”
Her charts are like maps to me. I don’t have a left brain so I look at them like they are math? And I think about shapes and patterns when she gives them to me. In my mid-thirties I was very depressed about not having had children. That drew me into therapy, and from there i decided to change my life and become a therapist, too. But what was I putting off?
By helping others?
My own life. So, this transit is potent for me. Very.
My mother was very jealous of my grandmother I think. She was always shipping me off to Cambria as a child. And to be honest I had fab times there with them. That was the normal happy part of my childhood. At home it wasn’t. Because my grandmother and my mother are gone I can write this memoir. It’s a little like the dredge at the harbor, sifting sand to get to the buried things. Not easy, because I have to admit truths to myself. On a deeper level, the astrologer shares my own mother’s birthday.
I think I want to make peace with the feminine, in myself.
It is a really large part of me that I have had to hide.
I don’t want to anymore.
My moon opposes Venus, and I think I had to live that in this lifetime — I don’t know why?
The men I chose contributed to that. So, this moon coming around again is forcing me to look at that. Why I made the choices I did, and what I would wish for if things were different.
All of this has to do with Jung’s concept of the shadow as well. Our shadow is unknown to us, only others see it. This is mine from yesterday at the beach…
In my life men came along because they wanted that part of me, but not really.
It makes me sad. So, sadness (moon = emotions) is a part of this transit.
Also though is a bunch of hope, too.
Because frankly, I intend to spend the rest of my life as a woman. Not a man. I don’t want anything to do with their mean corporate world ever again. I am not going to be used on the job ever again. Ever.
I want to do the things I know how to do gracefully, as I am in my truest self. I am female, not male.
Anyway, this is post number one on all that. June 5th 2012 is a big date according to my astrologer because the sun is going to conjunct venus and I think the progressed moon will be conjuncting then too — all 2nd and 8th house.
Second is attachments, so maybe it will be like the sun is going to illuminate everything as it pours through the opposition. Hope so. This is a period where love and lasting attachments are of the most import to me. I recall my grandmother in that era. She was traveling the world and she was raising me to be a lady. I have some of her things. They matter to me. I’m so tired sometimes. Weary with the world. I want to be in beauty and creating that. I can and I will be. But I think in the next months writing the memoir is going to help clear the path to all that. My astrologer told me it is for all women in a sense. At any rate what it explores is the differences in my grandmother’s, my mother’s and my eras. Over about a 50 year period of time. Our lives could not have been more different than they have been.
I am more like my grandmother. Genteel. This transit is a walk through the labyrinth of all of that and a coming out on the other side.