This is something I am working on. What freedom will look like. I haven’t lost all the things I learned at all. For years in the back of my garage is my pottery studio. It’s just been sitting because I can’t get the kiln hooked up. I wanted that. This is one of mine:
There is so much I wanted to do. But, I have not been able to because I feel so squelched. It’s the energy field that is the hardest because it is like negative energy almost to the point where I feel imprisoned by it and non-free. Everything depended on joint agreements. Agreeing was never easy. Plans were never easy. I should have been strong enough to stick up for my own plans — I mean I am a feminist? But no one ever knows the full weight of the patriarchy until marriage and how that starts to shift you.
I love men, but not controlling men.
So, this is about the parting of a road right now.
I have my grandfather’s tools, I can garden.
I can make pottery.
I need some land.
I will not be told how wrong my ideas are ever again.
Years ago I had the opportunity for some land in the place I wanted to live most.
I should have done that on my own.
Tonight, I’m going to a meeting for screenwriters and that makes me happy. There are many things in this area that do.
The people here are really fab — it is a place for the arts, and artists. The whole area is, actually. So yesterday I was sitting in my car thinking of doing a landscape with some pastels. I have those and my little camera with me at all times. I’m trying to swim. Breathe. And eat.
Doing an inventory of things. Survival.
I love to cook. I will be able to again for friends. Keep thinking that, is what I am telling myself. Keep thinking that.