I went to the doctor today, and my blood pressure was too high. This is the stress since 2000. One thing. People are taking care of me like the circle I am building. Never have I been in such a dark place and afraid. I have never thought of myself first, because I just have not in this lifetime. But now?
The doctor had a prescription for me. Meds. An anti-depressant — first in my life — to get through this. That bleak. She said, you have to eat three meals a day. I haven’t been able to eat for months. Like a fast but not.
Something good I did was go see Marshall and the garden of his. Also I placed an order for some stuff. Food. I have to try and eat three meals and exercise. He is here.
I am in good hands. I know how to take care of myself.
His flowers in the garden are here, an orange zinnia.
I got too sad over not working.
I lost my identity.
Trying to eat Marshall told me a great story today. About how the sea saved him once.
Sleep, perchance to dream.
Trying to eat.
Today I had two.
Paperwork to do, as well.
Stress, fear, since the layoff. Hell.
Loss of my life, my plans, my dreams..