Last year was the darkest most horrible Christmas I’ve ever had.
Hopefully this year is going to be better.
That whole novel I wrote ended up being about Christmas and trees, and staying alive post terrible experiences like deaths of things and people.
Anyway, last year, I saw a tree a friend had made and it was luminous to me.
It was this stick,
Anyway, the image of it was very arresting — so this is my first little Christmas decoration of the year.
I feel very sad this season. I think it’s that Progressed Moon in the 8th. Hope I can carry on in all this fear and sadness right now. Dunno. Everything seems wrong. Everything seems scary and unfixable.
Everything seems on the cusp of something. Taking care of my dog is keeping me alive I think. Otherwise I wouldn’t care and that is really true. No hope as far as the eye can see. maybe getting a real tree is going to help me, I’m going to very soon.
Here he is, his name was Boy when I adopted him.
I call him BoyBoy, it fits him, somehow.