I was looking at films tonight, well trailers…
Natalie Wood in West Side Story.
This was the first impression I had in childhood of what being a woman in love was going to be.
There is this scene where she drapes tulle around herself, and sings “I Feel Pretty.”
We lived in Pasadena, and I remember the closet in the hall of my best friend’s house. We would put on the soundtrack, and in that closet was a pink tulle ballet dress. I was in love with it, and with her in that film, and this is what being a girl was going to be. So, it’s this love story and those things make an impression.
I would say, “I want to be the girl.”
Then I got to wear that dress.
And dance, spinning around and around, at five years old.
Then I think of the relationships going forward, and my mother.
The next one?
I will be the Natalie of age five again. The feminine I was actually meant to be.
Now that my mother is gone, I can be everything she tried to squelch.
Some men like feminine women. This is similar to that dress, so long ago.
I had a music box, too. That had a tiny ballerina spinning.
I put that image into a short story someplace.