So this is out of my system right now and forever.
Behind door #1 lies the most horrifying thing a man ever did.
To an American woman.
I guess it has taken me 30 years and a roman a clef to get here.
I am.
He is going to pay for what he did, with shame. He can’t even remember what that was but I do.
After being nothing but a little fuckable college girl, falling so badly in love with a freak who should never have had an affair with me in the first place – when I was pregnant (that whole I can’t wear this rubber I can’t feel anything bs) one missed period after the “I want to plant my seed inside you” constancy – while he did nothing but fuck and fuck and fuck (and he wasn’t any good at it either)
He said, “Maybe I can kill it” and he inserted his fingers into me under my Christmas tree.
It took me YEARS of therapy to get over that.
I never even told my therapists that.
His number is UP.
All I have to say now is, you will be as exposed as all the women who are talking about Cosby are.
For what you did?
You are about to be flayed.
Okay that’s out of me.
I need to be held.
But that won’t happen in this marriage.
You are going to be flayed on FILM.
Prepare for that.
For what you did you cheesy bastard.
You are about to lose everything for having hurt me the way you did.
There are better men than you upon this planet.
I watched Madden’s vid on Francesca and saw a brief flash of the pure white Mexican wedding dress I used to have like this but white on white.
That was that night.
Be prepared for the wrath of a city.
They will see you for what you are. Nothing more than a worm.
You had no right to hurt me as you did.
VALENTINE BONNAIRE - WRITER 