So, I’m not sure how many days it has been since I last blogged. I have tried to stay away from the house and let things calm a bit. I am going to be the one who has to move out of here to preserve my sanity. Tomorrow am meeting a friend for a coffee in morning.
The blinders are off, is all I can say. The toxicity of the hideous layoff, the seven months I lasted — then the horror of watching while an entire “family” of newspaper people who had worked together for years be laid off, plus all the passings away of the parents — whew. I am exhausted into bone.
What I have done is looked toward the future, now. I went to talk to the attorney who I resigned to, explained the humiliation, everything that has happened in the last ten years, and so forth to him as if I could gain closure. Of course the reporters were the big stars in 2005 — so 2000 and what happened then was tinier — went nearly unnoticed, really.
I’m finally able to move on from the hurt and pain this caused me, and I plan to find out if what happened to me was something called a tort. I think it was. Anyway going to a party with the people who can make a referral very soon. It’s the fifth anniversary for all of them.
It’s like I had to hold myself together in so much pain for so long to try and be strong for him — but he doesn’t understand my own loss?
I lost my whole therapy practice I had built, god.
I lost everything.
I just want to survive now, as best I can. Not fight. Survive. So, each day is progress forward.
Have to rebuild my life as it was, before I married. I can. Day by day. Exhausted.
I really am, but tomorrow talking it out will be good with friend in city who knows the people who made this film I bet. We have the filmfest here where it debuted.
Sleep is erratic. He will not move, so I shall. Have to feel I am moving forwards towards light.
Trying to eat, exercise by swimming.