Divorce, continued…

So, I’m not sure how many days it has been since I last blogged.  I have tried to stay away from the house and let things calm a bit.  I am going to be the one who has to move out of here to preserve my sanity.  Tomorrow am meeting a friend for a coffee in morning.

The blinders are off, is all I can say.  The toxicity of the hideous layoff, the seven months I lasted — then the horror of watching while an entire “family” of newspaper people who had worked together for years be laid off, plus all the passings away of the parents — whew.  I am exhausted into bone.

What I have done is looked toward the future, now.  I went to talk to the attorney who I resigned to, explained the humiliation, everything that has happened in the last ten years, and so forth to him as if I could gain closure.  Of course the reporters were the big stars in 2005 — so 2000 and what happened then was tinier — went nearly unnoticed, really.

Here is the backstory.

I’m finally able to move on from the hurt and pain this caused me, and I plan to find out if what happened to me was something called a tort.  I think it was.  Anyway going to a party with the people who can make a referral very soon.  It’s the fifth anniversary for all of them.

It’s like I had to hold myself together in so much pain for so long to try and be strong for him — but he doesn’t understand my own loss?

I lost my whole therapy practice I had built, god.

I lost everything.

I just want to survive now, as best I can.  Not fight.  Survive.  So, each day is progress forward.

Have to rebuild my life as it was, before I married.  I can.  Day by day.  Exhausted.

I really am, but tomorrow talking it out will be good with friend in city who knows the people who made this film I bet.  We have the filmfest here where it debuted.

Sleep is erratic.  He will not move, so I shall.  Have to feel I am moving forwards towards light.

Trying to eat, exercise by swimming.