I don’t want you to be shy

This is the door

I don’t like this horrible house

or this horrible time

or this horrible room

so I pushed all the beauty I knew once

right at you, because you’re better

but you’re sadder

& I’m not sad

I’m just in pain

it’s this room and the waiting

he shuffles around the corners

of his mother’s life

I can’t even unpack

can’t smile

there is a toothache tonight

it’s new

wants grabbing by the scruff of the neck

wants being shaken back

to a happy reality

from the long 30 years

of not having anything

there isn’t any respite

when you aren’t in love, when

it’s pain all day long

the terror of a keyboard

~

I never know where you are

sometimes I wait

it’s silly but I’d rather not have to

be here anymore

I’d just like to walk out

into a room full of sunlight

get everything fixed

be myself for five minutes

before he erases the last of me

I remember at Christmas

I was so happy to see you

I did this

and that was before I even heard music

I don’t think I was ever this lonely

It’s that I saw you.